Dreams may be dead but the dreamer is still alive.
How could I forget?
I was a child with so many health issues. Skin diseases, asthma, and sprains – I had it all. I was born a bundagol. I could not run as fast as the other kids. I could not ride a bike. Worst, I could not climb a tree. Man, I tried so hard. But my physical strength was never enough.
Our nearest neighbors had lots of fruit trees in their garden. Santol, cacao, caimito, chico, starfruit, tisa and guava. My childhood best friends and I used to run around and play under the shade of those trees. It was always fun. Sometimes, if we were lucky enough, there would be fruits falling and hitting the ground and all we had to do was to pick them up and eat them. But one day, there was no fruit to be found. So my friends and I decided to climb up a tree instead. And because we were kids, we chose the one that was easiest to climb.
I honestly thought that it was easy. I even volunteered to go first. But there was I, struggling. I could not bring my body up that tree. I tried and tried but to no avail. Later on, about 20 minutes later and after a liter of sweat, I gave up. I told my friends that they should climb up first and I would follow them later. Of course, I never made it.
That was the first time that I learned that I could not do everything, that I have my own limits. I could not have everything that I wanted in life. But with the right people, I could still get something. I would not be left alone.
So my friends picked all the ripe ones and threw them on the ground. All I had to do was collect the fruits, run away, hide, and eat them all without any guilt.
The sun was unusually brighter that day. It was not like I have been that observant but the light just kept on hurting my eyes each time I faced the crowd that was going against me. A bad day? Yes, it was. But I needed a new pair of shoes.
The mall. Finally. Five minutes of walking from the platform with all those people made me lose a week’s worth of energy. I went directly to the department store and secretly hoped that no saleslady would ever offer her help. But all of my hope has been left to die and a single soul was there doing some sales talk. I could manage, I thought. I grabbed an item on display and asked for my size. She told me to wait and so I did.
It wasn’t that long after the lady left that I heard some screaming and gunshots. For Pete’s sake. Gunshots. The emergency alarms went ringing and I sensed panic. As vigilant as I have always been, I took refuge behind an empty and abandoned cashier’s desk. I was searching for the nearest exit but too bad for me, one of the crooks was right there. He was holding a handgun, to my relief. It would have been a different story if he used some kind of automatic. At that time, I heard some exchange of shots between the security personnel and the criminals. I could only see 3 bad guys. One was at the exit, another was right behind some frightened customers which have become their hostages, and the other one was about 5 meters away from where I was hiding. Unknown to them, there was a guard who was taking his break and this guard just passed me and immediately shot that guy who was nearest to us. But shit happened and the other two fired back and the guard was right there, dead. I could hear police cars but the police could not make their move as there were hostages to be considered.
The next two hours were a mixture of despair and negotiations. Apparently, the gunmen wanted to have a talk with the president of the country. Yeah. Some leftists from the dreaded region in the south. I was still keeping an eye on everyone, of course. The gunmen have been guarding the hostages now, facing the window and the police. That means I was out of their line of vision.
I imagined the things that I would do. It was a bad day but I could make it a good one, if fate permits. So, I took my first steps and got the dead guard’s gun and ammo. I hid behind a shoe rack. I aimed like a pro. I should shoot them in their shoulders and legs, I thought. And everything happened in a blink of an eye. I was able to take them down. The rest of the hostages did their part afterwards. I ran outside and gave the signal to the police.
No need to thank me, I told them. I was simply living my superhero dream. But the manager of the department store insisted so they gave me that pair of shoes that I wanted.
But words spread like fire. As I stepped out of the crime scene, reporters suddenly approached me. There were video cameras, I tell you.
One of them asked, “Did you ever have proper training on guns and shooting because you hit them right where you want?”
“Does playing Counter-Strike count?” I said.
From the ground she hears
the faintest cry of a pulse
It speaks of a miracle
of an answer she longs to know
She stays on the ground
She hears it once more
Does it tell of an existence
far from the norms
Will it ever reach its destination
Those she wishes to know
She waits for a fraction
feels the warmth of its approach
It is too late, she guesses
For the cry has become cold
Parsecs from my dream
from you my lonely star
But never too far
This is the closest
and this will do
from the depths of my core
to the unreachable that is you
i am lifeless
if not for your warmth
ah, i will cease to exist
if you must be gone
for billions of years
i am in awe
for billions of years
i am in love
with you who inspire me
with you whom i desire the most
but little can be done
great, as you will always be
and i am your lowly servant
if the void must come
and nothingness will prevail
i am thankful for a day each year
when i am nearest to you
it was as if that was the first time i saw you
with that smile of yours that could rival the heavens
those eyes which looked through my soul
and short breaths i swear i could hear in silence
as i stood trembling inches away from you
i stared at the blank space, never knowing why
first beat, second beat, third beat
my heart was beating alright
fourth beat, fifth beat, sixth beat
but something was not right
everything in the background slowly faded
you were there with me and gave a look
by then i knew it was already over
reaching for your hand and holding you with all my strength
my thirst could not take no longer
that scar on your forehead i kissed
as i felt your skin against mine
i looked at you with desire and love
i looked at you with sadness and grief
this soon should be over i guessed
for all has been a dream