Failed friendships

Losing a friend is pretty much the worst thing that could happen in someone’s life. And this year, I lost not just one. I lost two beautiful people.

I do not even know where to begin. It happened all of a sudden. It was like somebody just chopped my heart into pieces while I am still alive. It was painful. It felt terrible. It has been a month or so since I last talked to them but it still hurts and makes me sad during times when I am vulnerable – the moment I wake up until I fall asleep. Immeasurable emotional stress.

Of course, there were reasons why they chose not to be friends with me anymore. I was so sure of them. But it turned out that they were not so sure of me. They still gave in to their selfish desires and decided to be happy without me. For them, I was just a disturbance. Maybe, they even thought of me as a rain during supposedly sunny days. But for me, they were the light that brightens up my world. Imagine the difference in our perceptions about our friendship. It was me who was left behind. They all went away. Gone.

Now I am all alone. Waiting for something nice to happen, something nice enough to make me smile again. I did not know that smiling while holding back tears could be this difficult.

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